They call it sparkling natural mineral water. I dispute most of this in the following rambling. Take note Mr Ballygowan.

Firstly, sparkling? It's not filled with diamonds. It's filled with gas. That's basically the opposite of diamonds. Remove the word sparkling. I will accept bubbly as a replacement, if one is needed.

Then, natural? Certainly not. It's filled with gas. I don't see any carbonated rivers out there. A lake doesn't fizz when it's shaken by seismic activity. Even canals lack added gases and they're man-made.

Also, mineral? I'm not even sure what that is, but it's probably wrong. It's filled with gas.

So please Dr Ballygowan, remove these unneeded adjectives from the title of your product. Replace them if you must. Please remember that it is just water though.

Addendum: potential alternate product names

• Bubbly Water (as suggested above)
• Wacky Water
• Carbonated Processed Water with Trace Amounts of Metals (not catchy, but accurate)
• Coak (possible trademark issues)
• Water+
• Business Water