The following is my definitive ranking of the trains from Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends. I don't want any dissent over this. My word is final.
14. Bill and Ben
Fuck these guys. They're not even the only identical twin trains in the show. They led me to believe they were numbers 11 and 12 for years until the real number 11 was introduced.
Stupid name, styled stupidly.
Some much needed gender diversity but the in-built passenger compartment is cronenbergian. This is a kids show.
11. Percy (6)
Utterly unnecessary. The small train angle is covered by Thomas himself. Also, he made me think Percy was a woman's name for many years.
10. Duck (8)
Weird shape, likely to get stuck in tunnels. His real name is Montague, which frustrated me as a child since I couldn't pronounce or spell it.
9. Henry (3)
Absolute moaner. Rightly got himself bricked up for being afraid of rain. Not at all what you're looking for in a train.
8. Edward (2)
I've nothing against Edward, but what did he do? Exactly.
7. James (5)
An angrier version of Edward, which counts for something. The red paint job is also unique.
6. Donald and Douglas (9 and 10)
A black paint job that's slick as fuck. These Scottish lads could get up to some serious Sister Sister antics.
5. Thomas (1)
Honestly only this high up the list due to being the titular character. Rocks his own carriages with Annie and Clarabel though, which you've got to respect.
4. Toby (7)
His boxy shape wasn't very aerodynamic, but it made him well suited to storage in a toy box.
3. Oliver (11)
He was a new engine, which is fucking mind blowing to a six year old.
The Walter White of his day. Badass name; imagine being cool enough to be called "Human". Bonus points for the black paint job and boxy shape.
1. Gordon (4)
Gordon was the longest train and thus the best one.