Frequently Arrested Quizmasters

Since I've received dozens upon dozens of emails, I've decided that a little FAQ is in order. Note: The emails had nothing to do with the website; I just felt like writing this thing. Have you got a problem with that?

Who the hell are you and what makes you think you're so funny?

My name is Steve Higginson – perhaps. My origins are shrouded in mystery and a dark, cotton sheet. I'm sure all will be revealed at a later date but currently I'm thinking not so... good. My qualifications include a BSc in Humourology as well as a BA in the Art of Puns. I've written several best selling humour books, such as 'Buildings That Are Ugly' and 'Ugly People That Are Strangely Attractive (to Buildings)'. In the past I've given talks on many topics. My last such talk was in June and entitled 'The Humour of Comedy'.

Where do your images come from?

The images are one of the corner stones of the website. Every morning I have to get up at five a.m. and walk ten miles up the mountain that my abode lies on the foot of. Once I reach the summit I must meditate and wait for the rain gods to lift me up and bring me to their far off heaven. There I sit around for a few minutes while they run some errands, but when they return I'm thrust from the heavens towards my home, where I crash into my chair and go to Google Image Search to find some images to put up on the site.

Where do your ideas come from?

Like any good writer I don't know where exactly my ideas truly come from. All I know is that when I have an idea I take out a piece of paper and write it down. Then before I have the chance to write where it all came from, the Idea Squad arrive and take me away. After hours of what vague memories describe as extreme pain and discomfort I am let go and the origin of the idea has been erased from my mind. I don't know why the Idea Squad do this or if it's even legal, but it happens to me all the time. Frankly it's starting to annoy me. I want that time back!

Is there really a god?

That's really asking two questions. The first question that you're really asking is, "Do you think the universe was created by a supreme being that may or may not have guided its development and the evolution of life on this and perhaps other planets?" The answer to that is another question (but not the second one you're really asking), which is, "What created your question?" The second question you're really asking is, "When can I have those photocopies done?" to which the answer is, "Three days, boss."

Does a paradox shit in the woods?

Well, I'd have to say what the hell does that mean? What the hell is a paradox anyway? Isn't it some kind of exotic, talking bird?

Sitting or standing?

An interesting question that has puzzled many since the dawn of time. My own preference is sitting, but with a lot of weight put on the legs, so it would really have to be something along the lines of a 70/30 split, depending on wind speed. Of course, the real question should be, "Single or double ply?" If you don't know what I'm talking about then you're probably one of those dirty Frenchmen with their bidets with their fancy fountain of freezing cold water that shouldn't be hitting that area! For god's sake man, use the freakin' paper!