Exactly, Revenge from Redmond

Some day. Some day they'll all see. They'll all learn that they never should have messed with me. I will take each and every one of them from their homes. I'll let them watch as I burn their houses to bitter ashes. I'll let them watch as I squeeze the life out of each of their children. I'll let them watch as I do unspeakable acts to their spouses. I'll take them and spend days with each one as I slowly torture them in a manner designed specially for each one and then finally finish them off. They'll all rue the day that they messed with me. I will be the greatest supervillian of all time: The Janitor!

All of those jobs over the years. All of those employers. All those who looked down on me. All those who made my work harder. Made my life worse. Made me get down on my hands and knees and peel up their chewing gum. Yes! That will be the first target. I'll take over the headquarters of the Wrigley's company. I'll tie up their CEO and make him watch as I slowly kill each member of the company's board. He'll watch me cut his CFO with a razor blade once every minute until the tremendous amount of lacerations drains his body of blood. Then I'll cover him in thirty kilos of chewing gum and leave him for one of my genetically recreated dinosaurs to chew on.

After that I'll poison all of the gum in the world. I'll slash the prices to make people buy it. Then they'll pay. As the toxins cause their internal organs to swell uncontrollably and they writhe in agony on the ground they'll pay. As every conceivable orifice in their body bleeds they'll pay. As their brain leaks slowly out of their nose while they watch – they'll pay.

Nobody will stop me. Nobody at all. I'll take my army of mutant dinosaurs and rampage the cities of the world. The dinosaurs will be immune to any and all bacteria, viruses and poisons. They will be one hundred feet tall and made of solid tungsten. Their jaws will have the power to crush mountains and their claws will swing faster than a hummingbird's wings. They will breathe fire, shoot lasers from their eyes and piss ice. They will feed on the souls of those I murder.

The people will tremble with fear, soil themselves with terror, as they are swept into the great mouth of my servants. They won't die there though. They will enter the great stomach of the beast where a decade of slow and painful torture awaits. Chinese water torture. Being pricked in the face by a very sharp pin. Removing one millimetre of their body every day starting at the feet. Forcing them to listen to their most hated songs. Forcing them to watch the vilest video recordings of all time. They will tremble.

I will rule the world. No! I will destroy the world. I don't know how but somehow I will be sitting in space and watch as the entire world crumbles to pieces. As the remaining people cry over their impending deaths. As the whole damn thing is crushed into a singularity, the molten centre burning the people as it falls apart. The increasing gravity pulling their bodies asunder. It will be an agony of agonies. The most painful pain a person can feel. They will wish for death and I will feel joy. I will be happy. I will be complete. Because I will be alone. Alone with my army of mutant superdinosaurs. Euphoria.