Dear Cadbury...

A letter sent to Cadbury Ireland in 2005. No reply has been received to date.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have been a long-time fan of Cadbury milk chocolate products, and to a lesser extent white chocolate products such as White Buttons. However your new variation of the Dairy Milk bar, the Wafer Dairy Milk has been launched with a rather confusing ad campaign. The slogan plastered on billboards and buses around the city, "This Wafer Happiness", seems to be grammatically incorrect.

I've spent many hours trying to comprehend the meaning of the slogan. Does it mean "This is wafer happiness"? If so I find the slogan to be extremely offensive to cavemen and their inability to grasp the English language. Their foul odour is no reason to discriminate against the proud caveman race.

If that interpretation is incorrect, which I would hope it is, the only other way I can see it making any sense is if it means "This wafer = Happiness." However, this would been far more incorrect than my previous attempt to comprehend your slogan because happiness is purely subjective and can only be delegated universally by the cosmos.

In closing I would like to say that I will not be purchasing any more delicious Cadbury Wafer Dairy Milk bars until I can understand their ad campaign. I would like to hope you'd remedy the situation in the near future.

Yours Sincerely,
Steve Higginson